Wednesday, January 25, 2006

An Open Letter to the President of Iran

Dear President Mahmoud Ahmanutjob,

If you don't mind, could you please stop acting like a complete and total psychopath? I know that might be hard for you, seeings as you're insane and all, but could you at least try?

I mean, it's bad enough that you have absolutely no knowledge of history. But to come out and claim that the holocaust never happened? That's just stupid. Nobody can respect a stupid person, and how do you expect them to believe anything else you say after a comment like that?

Then you go and threaten to wipe Israel off the map, and say that you're going to enrich uranium again. This is where I get confused: are you insane, or do you just have a death wish? The Israelis already have nukes, so unless you want Iran to be turned into a parking lot, maybe you should just shut up for awhile, k?

Anyway, the real reason I want you to shut up and pretend to be rational is that you're starting to freak some people out. And not in the "Ooo... look at the evil scary dictator" sort of way, but more in the "Maybe we should put him in a straightjacket to avoid damage to himself and others" sort of way. Now, normally I wouldn't care so much, because you're thousands of miles away. But you making people nervous makes it so that I have to pay $2.45 a gallon for gas, and that is just wrong.

Now, I know you might be thinking that you don't care about me paying lots of money for gas. After all, I'm a girl, and an infidel, and an American, and a capitalist pig, and all that sort of stuff, right? But you crazy people are always screaming that the war in Iraq was all about the oil. Well gas prices are way higher now than they were then, so unless you wanna see a real war about oil, I suggest you sit down and shut up.

Actually, that isn't entirely true. You would never get to see the war about oil, because we would kill you first.

Just thought you'd want to know.

~RWC

PS~ Honestly, I'm kinda hoping you die soon. Don't take it personally, I just think you're a despicable excuse for a human being. Actually, on second thought, you should take that personally.

2 Comments:

At 3:48 PM, Blogger hjhhjhjlhjhjkhjk said...

Hey Rightwing-

I read through your insightful commentary twice and still failed to catch your knowledge of history. Next time you post some diatribe on Iran, remember to mention that prior to 1953 Iran enjoyed living under the rule of a populist, who thanks to good old American ingenuity was toppled and consequently replaced with a American puppet. This show this puppet (stage name: Shah of Iran), however, wasn't very enjoyable to the Iranian people, whom he brutalized and robbed for 25 years. The Amercan hostage ordeal, while unjust and cruel was but a shadow of the pain we as a country caused them as a country. Fortunately our 40th president had the foresight to buy our fellow Americans their freedom by shipping vast quantities of modeern weaponry to Iran. Yes, we do need to keep Iran from acquiring nuclear weapons. It's bad enough that idiots such as Mr. Bush have access to them.

Oh, and unlike your friend Sean, I have not been drinking. Take care-

 
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