Thursday, January 19, 2006

Top Ten Ways the US Congress Could Be Run More Like a Plantation

As I've previously mentioned, Senator Hillary Clinton demonstrated an impressive case of foot-in-mouth disease when she said "“When you look at the way the House of Representatives has been run, it has been run like a plantation and you know what I'm talking about...."

Now, anyone with more than two brain cells to rub together can tell that that was an ignorant think to say, especially in an African-American church on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. But, since Hillary said it, I'll play along.


10: Democrats have to pass tests on the Constitution to vote.

9: Senator Kennedy is put in the stocks and given only bread and water (no alcohol, oh the horror) whenever he uses the word "coathanger."

8: Senator Arlen Spector pulls out a bullwhip whenever the Democrats on the committe spend more that five minutes asking one question.

7: Senator Arlen Spector uses the bullwhip whenever a Democrat says "I" or "me" in a question that is supposed to be about Samuel Alito.

6: Sam Alito responds to Senator Kennedy's bloviations by telling him "stop questioning your betters, you worthless drunken murderous lout. And get me some water, I'm thirsty."

5: When a Democrat threatens a filibuster, they are told "You are not to be seen or heard. Now go pick up my dry cleaning."

4: When Congress isn't in session, Democratic Members can be seen repainting the Capitol, mowing the lawn, and shining Dennis Hastert's shoes.

3: "Uppity" Senators like Hillary Clinton are sold to other 'plantations' to be taught a lesson- like North Korea or Cuba.

2: Democrats only count as 3/5 of a person.

And the number one way the U.S. Congress could be more like a plantation is:

1: Democratic Members of Congress constantly try to escape oppression by fleeing north to Canada. Only in this case, no one cares enough to stop them.


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