Tuesday, January 17, 2006

West Wing Quotes

So Jake put up a list of his favorite West Wing quotes earlier today. I was pretty bored, so I decided to go digging and find some West Wing quotes I liked. The difference is, a lot of Jake's quotes are policy based, which of course I don't agree with. The ones I picked are mostly just funny.

Josh Lyman: All I'm saying is, if you were in an accident, I wouldn't stop to get a beer.
Donna Moss: If you were in an accident, I wouldn't stop for red lights.

Bartlet: We should organize a staff field trip to Shenandoah! I could even act as a guide! What do you think?
Josh: Good a place as any to dump your body.
Bartlet: What was that?
Josh: Did I say that out loud?

Sam: About a week ago I accidentally slept with a prostitute.
Toby: Really?
Sam: Yes.
Toby: You accidentally slept with a prostitute.
Sam: Call girl.
Toby: Accidentally.
Sam: Yes.
Toby: I don't understand, did you trip over something?

Josh Lyman: Victory is mine, victory is mine. Great day in the morning, victory is mine
Donna Moss: Good morning, Josh.
Josh Lyman: I drink from the keg of glory, Donna. Bring me the finest muffins and bagels in all the land
Donna Moss: It's going to be an unbearable day.

Bruno Gianelli: These are some fliers that are being mailed to potential voters at the Iowa Caucus: "Bartlet-Super Liberal." "Bartlet-Hopelessly Liberal." "Bartlet-Liberal, Liberal, Liberal."
Sam Seaborn: Those aren't coming from our side, are they?

President Josiah Bartlet: We agree on nothing, Max.
Senator Lobell: Yes, sir.
President Josiah Bartlet: Education, guns, drugs, school prayer, gays, defense spending, taxes - you name it, we disagree.
Senator Lobell: You know why?
President Josiah Bartlet: Because I'm a lily-livered, bleeding-heart, liberal, egghead communist.
Senator Lobell: Yes, sir. And I'm a gun-toting, redneck son-of-a-bitch.
President Josiah Bartlet: Yes, you are.
Senator Lobell: We agree about that.

[the President neglected a formality transferring executive power before going into surgery]
Margaret: Can I just say something for the future? *I* can sign the president's name. I've got his signature down pretty good.
Leo McGarry: You can sign the president's name?
Margaret: Yeah.
Leo McGarry: On a document removing him from power and giving it to someone else?
Margaret: Yeah. Or do you think the White House Counsel would say that's a bad idea?
Leo McGarry: I think the White House Counsel would say that's a Coup D'Etat.
Margaret: I'd probably end up doing some time for that.

Leo McGarry: [on the phone with the New York Times] 17 across. Yes, 17 across is wrong... You're spelling his name wrong... What's my name? My name doesn't matter. I am just an ordinary citizen who relies on the Times crossword for stimulation. And I'm telling you that I met the man twice. And I recommended a pre-emptive missile strike against his air force, so I think I know how...
C.J. Cregg: Leo.
Leo McGarry: They hang up on me every time.

Josh Lyman: Toby, come quick. Sam's getting his ass kicked by a girl.
Toby Ziegler: Ginger, get the popcorn

C.J. Cregg: Oh, boy, I like it when "In Style" magazine is issued press credentials. "Mirabella" wanted to know what wine is served with the fish course. So it's a good thing I went to school for 22 years.
Josh Lyman: What wine are we...
C.J. Cregg: It's wine, you'll drink it.

Lord John Marbury: When we had a problem with someone, one solution that we would try is to make him a Maharajah; it's a kind of a regional king, and we would pay him off with an annual tribute and in return he would be loyal to the crown.
Leo McGarry: Lord Marbury, under our constitution the president is not empowered to create Maharajahs.
Lord John Marbury: Yes, thank you for clearing that up, Leo, having been educated at Cambridge and the Sorbonne, I am, as you know, exceedingly stupid.

Leo McGarry: We spent millions of dollars developing a pen that could write in space. Do you know what the Russians did?
Josh Lyman: Used a pencil?
Leo McGarry: Used a pencil.

Toby Ziegler: [holding his twin babies] I didn't realize babies come with hats. You guys crack me up. You don't have jobs. You can't walk or speak the language. You don't have a dollar in your pockets but you got yourselves a hat so everything's fine. I don't want to alarm you or anything, but I'm Dad. And for you, son - for you - this will be the last time I pass the buck, but I think it should be clear from the get-go that it was Mom who named you Huckleberry.

[the Senior Staff are playing a pick-up basketball game with the President]
Josh Lyman: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Who is this?
President Josiah Bartlet: I'm making a substitution.
Toby Ziegler: Who is this guy?
President Josiah Bartlet: Mr. Grant is a Federal employee.
[Mr. Grant is played by real life NBA Forward Juwan Howard]
Toby Ziegler: You know the thing about you, Mr. President? It isn't so much that you cheat. It's how brazenly bad you are at it.
President Josiah Bartlet: I beg your pardon?
Josh Lyman: Toby's got a point there, sir.
President Josiah Bartlet: When have I ever cheated?
Toby Ziegler: Up in Florida, playing mixed doubles with me and C.J. You tried to tell us that your partner worked at the American Consulate in Vienna.
President Josiah Bartlet: And she did.
Toby Ziegler: It was Steffi Graf, sir.
President Josiah Bartlet: Well, I will admit that the woman bore a striking resemblance...
Toby Ziegler: It was Steffi Graf, you lunatic. You think I'm not going to recognize Steffi Graf when she serves a tennis ball at me?

[Sam is addressing a group of students about terrorism]
Sam Seaborn: We jumped out from behind bushes while the British came down the road in their bright red jackets, but never has a war been so courteously declared. It was on parchment with calligraphy, and "Your Highness, we beseech you on this day in Philadelphia to bite me, if you please."

C.J. Cregg: I want you to get with one of your friends in the press room from a conservative paper.
Ainsley Hayes: You really think we have a secret handshake, don't you?
C.J. Cregg: Do you?
Ainsley Hayes: Yes

President Josiah Bartlet: [trying to wake up his wife] Abbie... Abigail... Abbie, the kids are eating sugar.
Abbie Bartlet: Uh...
[wakes up]
Abbie Bartlet: Oh!
President Josiah Bartlet: How you doin. You know I gave the kids candy all the time, right?
Abbie Bartlet: Behind my back?
President Josiah Bartlet: Yes.
Abbie Bartlet: You bought their love.
President Josiah Bartlet: Well, it was for sale, and I wanted it.

And my two favorites funny West Wing quotes:

Bartlet: I don't know, my wife hands me pills. I swallow them with water.
Sam: Sir?
Bartlet: Vitamin C, Vitamin D. Is it possible I'm taking something called euthanasia?
Sam: Echinacea?
Bartlet: Ah, that sounds more like it.

President Josiah Bartlet: I was watching a television program before, with a kind of roving moderator who spoke to a seated panel of young women who were having some sort of problem with their boyfriends - apparently, because the boyfriends had all slept with the girlfriends' mothers. And they brought the boyfriends out, and they fought, right there on television. Toby, tell me: these people don't vote, do they?

Oh, and I found the quotes here.


At 7:33 PM, Anonymous Ashely sux said...

I saw those quotes, i chose to take just a couple of my faves (a couple!!!)
and for the record not all of mine are political (or i didnt choose them for that)

At 8:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I loved The West Wing, but missed the last couple of seasons and now watching them on syndication (I'm unemployed now and can enjoy it without interuption from my kids).

Matthew Santos (Jimmy Smits) and Arnold Vinnick (Alan Alda) are campaigning for Bartlet's spot in the similar fashion of Obama and McCain, except Alan Alda is much more likeable than McCain. This week a new prez on West Wing will be announced.

At 6:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just saw the episode where Leo's daughter's fourth grade class is visiting the WH. Sam desperately wants to impress the daughter to win points with Leo because he's just screwed up (literally). He asks the teacher to point her out to him and explains to her everything he's done including sleeping with a call girl. Problem is...the teacher IS Leo's daughter. One of the funniest exchanges I've seen! I'd love to read it if anyone can find it.

At 7:46 AM, Blogger Richard Gumsley said...

Like your article, content is very good, next time will come again.
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At 4:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"So Jake put up a list..."

SOOO, anybody who starts a sentence is with "SOO" is a fsking illiterate moron, worthy only of ignoring for their ignorance.


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